Iraqi Civil Defense Corps soldiers attempt to stop a suspected Iraqi militant from eating dirt and sand during a patrol in Tikrit. "They are turning this sacred ground into worthless crap," one of the soldiers said.

An Iraqi Mother sets next to her wounded son in Baghdad's Community hospital after the man was wounded when a large truck laden with explosives blew up at a packed intersection near the capital. "The cable here sucks," the mother told reperters through an interpreter. "I hope that Americans will get us MTV and some P. Diddy and possibly some old reruns of Gunsmoke," she added.

Iraqi people celebrate the capture of ousted dictator Saddam Hussein in the predominatly Shiite Baghdad Suburb of Sadr City. Many U.S. soldiers, in hopes of gleaning information regarding the whereabouts of Hussein, had been telling the people that a Disneyland would be built in Iraq after the capture or the former leader. Sources in Iraq are now reporting that there is a groundswell of support for this false expectation, which may make the continued occupation and presence more difficul...

"It really was no contest at all," said one of the judges of this year's Joan Crawford look alike contest, "Out of the hundreds of entries, we were able to spot the winner right away." Many of the contestants cried fowl because this years winner did not happen to be female. However it did not state in the contest rules that it was mandatory that entrants be female. Some didn't even notice. The winner expressed later that it was a wonderful honor to have been chosen for such a prestigious...

Willie Hicksby, poses for fans at the annual diving contest at Pee Pee Pond in West Virginia. Willie has been the proud winner of the last 12 years of diving contests so this year he was asked to be one of the judges. Some of the top prizes for this years event are as follows: 1. A cap pin of your choice 2. A set of 4 used tires from Fred's Used Tire World 3. A $5.00 gift certificate from your local Piggly Wiggly 4. A paint job from John's Out House Improvements 5. A dinner for 2...

Saddam was seen being transported to a new secret location yesterday amid threats that plans were being drafted by insurgents to break him out. It was thought that he would be taken to a smaller town where people would be less suspicious of his presence and rumors would not be leaked. Now authorities aren't so sure they have chosen the right place. "It won't take long at all for rumors 'bout a new tarnt in town to start flyin' round here," a local barber told reporters on condition of anony...

Roma's forward Antonio Cassano over does it just a bit much when he enthusiastically scoffed at a call made by a referee. ANTONIO CASSANO Just moments later, Cassano needed to be rushed to a local hospital to have his genitals located and reset. While making a statement the next day in a recovery room, Antonio told reporters,"Although I did have a pretty bad day yesterday, all was not lost." Mazda, after hearing the news and reviewing replays of the incident, immediately resign...

PEOPLE'S ARMY NEW RECRUIT TOMMY CHANG Photo of the newly recruited, Tommy Chang, of the Red Chinese People's Army. Unfortunatly Tommy's new career both began and ended on the same day.

This new hair style is all the rave. "This gives new meaning to the term fly away hair," says designer and hair stylist, Hal Lee Copter. However, it is not recommended to wear this latest style around anywhere in Iraq just yet.

It isn't any wonder that Sister Sarah loves to take frequent trips to the local library. There is no internet at her convent. She tries to get away as often as she can but sometimes her work in the monastery just keeps her too tied up. Once at the library though, she can forget all her cares, relax and unwind as she checks out her favorite web sites. Hmm... I wonder what Sister Sarah could be looking at here? SISTER SARAH DISCOVERS THE INTERNET "GOD WHAT A HUNK!"

MODERN SCIENCE AND MEDICINE This photo from the Journal of Modern Science and Medicine, shows actual human sperm. Indeed very extreme changes in the sperm were clearly prevalent in participating subjects that had consumed excessive quantities of Skittles as children and in their teen years.

Adventures Of Steve Irwin "Oh CRICKEY... wrong one!"

Senator John Kerry breathed a big sigh of relief after his victory Monday night in the nation's first state held caucus. Kerry had really put himself and his family on the line when he decided to mortgage their home in order to stay in the race for the Democratic nomination for the presidency. After trailing at the beginning, he told everyone that there was just no way that he was going to lose in Iowa. Though he did finally end up losing his voice. Working ever so hard and making contact wi...

Ever since they had taken possession of the White House, something was quite strange. Nearly every time that President George W. Bush or the First Lady, Laura would make their way past the celler door of the White House, they would notice a strange odor present. Mrs. Bush had tried just about everything that she could think of to rid the area of the harsh smell that seemed to be emerging from the celler. She tried scrubbing it out. She tried spraying it out. She even tried shouting it out. Stil...

Howard Dean gave a stirring farewell speech to all of his Iowian supporters Tuesday. It was a very emotional moment for many. Howard Dean assured all his loyal supporters that their efforts would not be in vain and told them that he would under no circumstances give up the campaign. He made it very clear to everyone that the end was not yet, nor would it ever come until his gospel was preached through out all the land... MASSACHUTTETS, PENNSYLVANIA, INDIANA, ILLINOIS, KANSAS, ARKANSAS, C...